Miscellaneous Monday-Life Update Edition

The past few months have been quite stressful, physically, mentally and in every way. For some reason I've not been able to write a blog post. There have been many topics dancing in my head but none that have motivated me to do it.

Here is the Reader's Digest version of what has happened over the past few months. My husband ended up in the hospital around 3 months ago (after 4 months of being in and out of that place to begin with.) He had C-Diff and continued to have complications from the cirrhosis in his liver. One of the complications is lung disease, another is high ammonia levels which makes a person CRAZY. He also has been having neuropathy in his hands and feet. After all of that time and in 4 different hospitals, he finally was released from the hospital, he couldn't move to take care of himself, his ammonia was extremely high so we turned around (well practically) and took him back, to a different hospital of course. They helped get his ammonia levels down, started physical therapy and recommended him to Hospice. We have been staying with my sister Tori and she's been helping me to take care of him while I'm at work. He's making progress to move everyday. I'm really proud of him. We met with the liver Dr. on Thursday and they have said that there is a tiny window of possibility that he can get a transplant. If his condition worsens while waiting, they will not consider him. I'm not afraid of disappointment, if we don't hope and try, I would never forgive myself.

Meanwhile, I'm here just loving my husband and enjoying my time with Tori and Natalie.

 Oh and work, there's been lot's of work....Groan. There have been happy moments at work. Like,  I've been training to work with our 7 year old American Alligators and it's been AMAZING. We also have a new roller coaster opening up, I LOVE roller coasters. On this weeks Mad Men episode, Joan went crazy on a receptionist that is an exact picture of  what I've been trying not to do. Fortunately, I've been keeping it together......barely. Where is Don Draper when I need him, to take me in a fancy sports car, to a dark bar in the middle of the day to blow off some steam? I'm still hoping for some kind of work miracle.

My nieces are cool kids. Here they are driving a Mini Cooper, running over a stuffed skunk.

I'm always sad to hear of people's death. Especially when they are someone who's accomplishments tie into my history.  My first ever tape was Licensed to Ill by The Beastie Boys. I was in 4th grade and my mother being a good  mother, took it away from me 2 weeks later, after her friend told her how bad they were. Brass Monkey was my favorite song. So appropriate for a little kid. he he
RIP, MCA

Today I found out Robin Gibb passed. So sad. The Bee Gees are single-handedly responsible for my love of the falsetto.

Lately I've been working on not neglecting myself. Being cut from blue-collar hardworking American cloth. During rough times my priority is work. Self goes out the window quick, along with fun times, friends, hair, face, nail maintenance. More than my lack of money is my lack of time and energy. Sure I can do my own spa treatments, but the motivation and time to do so is not there. But something has clicked in me the past few days. Perhaps the fact that I CANNOT relax to save my life is making me stop and take notice of how much I'm hurting myself. As little pride and vanity that my hard times have left me with, I have a little and I was really hurt to be asked if I was the mother of my 28 year old sister. I don't want to look younger, but I definitely want to look my age. And the way I've been living is not helping the least bit. There are certain things that have worked to keep me stress free in the past and they are simple. Style, Disneyland, nature, friends, God and gym. Those are the things I've neglected and those are the things I will work on. Yesterday, I renewed my Disney passport and today I got a much needed haircut. Gym is the next thing I need to work on and I need to get myself to church. Hopefully Tuesday I will get to go to D-Land with my BIL, SIL, niece and nephew. It will be exactly what I need.

Friday Fragments-Can't Help Falling In Love Edition

Yesterday, as I held my husband in his hospital bed, I sang this song to him. And of course it was a weeping moment, having been holding it in for sometime now, I needed it. I find that everything is related and purposeful. I just have to look for all the pieces. I believe in healing and growth, pain is sometimes a part of that.

We had just finished watching My Week With Marilyn, which was a beautifully acted, emotional movie about the making of The Prince and the Showgirl. It gives you a glimpse of what MM was going through emotionally at the time, needy and married to brilliant writer Arthur Miller who wrote The Misfits.

While watching the movie, I couldn't help but think of my beloved grandmother who passed pretty young. That along with our current situation (she passed away from the same thing my husband's battling) and of course the Elvis song, which the love for my husband inspired me to sing, my grandmother loved Elvis. All of these things collectively brought on the surge of emotion.

My grandmother's name was Alicia Cecilia, I adored her and she was a real man magnet.

I remember her telling me her key to attracting men. She was fun and never talked about her problems on a date, a great combo for any man looking. Unfortunately she lived a guarded life which caused her to never stay with the loves of her life. All of the things she went through at a young age shaped the way she could never let herself be vulnerable and if she felt that way, she'd leave.

I think she'd be happy to see that my sisters and I have found love and we're not afraid to accept and relish in it, there's no fear that we won't have it tomorrow.

Today was my 10th straight day working and my body celebrated with a GIANT, nauseating, migraine. Fortunately, my work let me go home to hide in a cave. I'm currently resisting the urge to talk about how I hate our weather. I may need a nose job. You know, for the sinuses.

Mad Men prediction: I predict Don will knock up his wife so he doesn't have to deal with her being up in his life. You know, he's not into that. Although his wife is charming (I loved the Zu Bisou Bisou number) he hated the whole thing. 

Happy news, my sister Marlo has completed her apprenticeship as a carpenter, she's now a Journeyman. It's been a difficult road, having a baby in the middle of it and hardly any work in commercial construction due to the economy. I'm so proud of her.


Big thanks to Mrs.4444 for hosting a great link up, which I totally suggest you join.

Food, Glorious Food!--New Favorites Edition

Having spent some time on antibiotics my dear friend Margie brought me some rutabaga with turmeric, sea salt, cumin and red pepper flakes and carrot kimchi by Stogsdill's Pickles for some good old live cultures.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Stogsdills-Pickles/132224053557965

Probiotics are something I'm starting to learn about, especially since my husband has been diagnosed with a bad infection of the large intestine common to people who spend a lot of time in the hospital and on antibiotics. He's always eaten Greek yogurt but it's now important to pay attention to labels. I know there are even supplements we can get as well. He's still in the hospital but now has a better view at UCSD in La Jolla. We're hoping that while he's there, he can get on the transplant list.


My new favorite show is called The Supersizers. Where food critic Giles Coren and comedienne Sue Perkins live on food that people lived on in the past. For instance, Queen Victoria lived on Roast Beef, Ice Cream and Suet pudding. Wow! But who am I to judge queen Victoria? Since I've been living on, Chicken (sometimes nuggets), ice cream, and spinach. Hey! At least I'm eating a vegetable and I do not drink soda. Ha! Check out the first part of the Victorian episode.

And my new favorite fast meal is by Fresh and Easy. Red Curry Chicken (sorry, I didn't get a pic) It's freshly made, not frozen and so good. If you have a F&E by you and love curry, check it out.

Do you have any new favorites, you'd like to share?

Friday Fragments-Progress Edition

This years Oscars were fun for me. I tweeted and participated in running commentary with a bunch of hilarious people on FB.

Besides Billy Crystal, I totally loved the focus group segment and....

This picture.

Leap Year Day, wasn't the day one would hope it to be, it was long and stressful. My husband ended up back in the hospital, the poor guy had a rough couple of days before. We're just taking everything one day at a time and hoping and praying for the best outcome. As of today, he's feeling much better.

My fantasy LYD involved us fighting the crowds at Disneyland. It would've been One More Disney Day to wait in traffic and stand in line. Ah. That would've been great, all with my sweet hubby. I'm trying to convince him that it's really not that bad to be pushed around DL in a wheelchair (which would be most comfortable for him.) Hopefully I can convince him soon, because I need my DL fix.

In case you didn't know, DL stayed open 24 hours for Leap Year.

My work planned a showing of the movie Leap Year and I found myself wondering a few times, why did they choose such a mediocre movie to show today?.........Uh. I finally got it at 7pm Wednesday night.

How was your Leap Year Day?

I feel like the luckiest woman in the world with all of my adorable nieces and nephews. Although I spend a lot of time with Olivia and Emmanuel, this little thing is on my mind all the time. 

Natalie

When are they coming over? When is she coming over, I need to see this amazing little person more than I do.



Now for some exciting news, my husband's book of short stories is on it's way to the publisher....Woo hoo! We're excited. It's been a long time coming. My husband not only writes but performs his short stories locally. I could say so many positive things about him but it would sound biased (I swear it's not) Here's a video of a story he wrote 20 years ago (formerly known as Teeth and Claws) now known as Chip Chip Chaw! (Which is also the name of the book.)

We also have a T-shirt.

For sale here.


Happy Friday folks. It's funny how while we are in the midst of trouble plowing through the ugly muck, it doesn't look like progress is happening. If this is what you're going through, keep on trucking. Your circumstances may stand still but you don't have to. I have to remind myself this everyday, as my situations stay the same. I saw a glimmer of internal progress this week and I'm proud of myself.

If you're looking for a Friday link-up I suggest Friday Fragments, with the lovely Mrs.4444http://www.halfpastkissintime.com/

Friday Fragments-While I Was Away Edition

My last blog post found me freshly out of the hospital with the flu. The flu then turned into bronchitis that hung on for a month. I was honestly weak and not able to focus on blogging, I barely had interest in pinning. (Here's my pinterest link BTW) I couldn't breathe without coughing. So I've been living on a horrible diet of 6 types of cough drops. Having a job where talking is important, was challenging. The not being able to catch my breathe and constant lump (from cough drops) in my mouth made me very self-conscious. I stumbled over not only words but sentences. I had a guest at work snarkily correct my sentence with a superior attitude. News flash! Kicking people when they are down, makes you a horrible person. Unless of course you are Violet Crawley, Dowager Countess of Grantham and I am Sir Richard Carlisle.

http://telegramsfromdownton.tumblr.com/post/14426436793

Am I alone in loving the delicious Deus Ax Machina story arcs on Downton Abbey? Apparently not.

30 Reasons Why We'll Miss Downton Abbey


A week ago, my 4 year old niece Olivia decided she would like to be called Cathy, after she met someone with that name. Gosh, I love this kid.  

My husband and I try our best to watch all of the Oscar nominated movies, we were going to finish watching as many as we could this past month, that plan didn't really work out. Here's the list of movies we watched.

The Artist, The Descendants, The Help, Midnight In Paris, Moneyball and The Tree of Life. I'm afraid we didn't get to see Hugo, the other movies (Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close and War Horse) I frankly, wasn't interested in. I am sad we didn't make it to Hugo and wondering if we can fit it in Sunday morning.

 I personally am having trouble choosing between The Artist

and The Descendants for best picture.

I also haven't seen Albert Nobbs and The Iron Lady, two movies I would've loved to have seen. Glenn Close in the trailer for A.N. was AMAZING.

Have you seen any of the Oscar nominated films? If so, what did you think?

Thank you for joining me for Friday Fragments. A special thank you to the lovely hostess of this link-up,
 Mrs. 4444.

Oh! One last video before I go. I'm totally against animal cruelty but when you disrespect a whole group of people, it's gone too far.
John Stewart, SeaWorld of Pain

Food, Glorious Food!-Rotisserie Chicken for the Soul Edition

I've never been one to listen when people talk about cold and flu remedies (like chicken soup) probably because I'm hardly ever afflicted in by viruses. Maybe because my body is so busy fighting off allergies that it just ignores exposure to anything else. Well, this week after spending 3 days in the hospital (another story for another time) I came home to be exposed to my 4 year old niece's week long, roller coaster, mystery virus. I woke up the next morning, mystery solved, I have a cold. Sore throat and a general feeling of contagious ickyness. How I can tell the difference? I have no clue, but I can. It (like that of my niece) has been developing as well and it hasn't been pretty. Like I said, I feel gross and contagious.

Now back to that chicken soup. As much as I'd like to become a vegetarian, I have fond associations with rotisserie chicken. Some of my favorite memories of living in Tijuana, involve my sister, nephew, casero cheese, fresh tortillas, a bag of salsa and a rotisserie chicken. My mouth waters just thinking of the glorious food I've enjoyed throughout the years in Mexico. Yum!

 A few months ago, I woke up late at night to a loud typing husband on the computer, I popped a few pieces of chocolate and started to bitch at him about something I can't remember. Finally in bed with me, (he decided to willingly participate in the forgotten argument) in the heat of battle, I turned to him and said, "Do you want to have a rotisserie chicken for dinner tomorrow night?" As you can imagine, this amused the husband to no end and we had a good laugh. Our new motto is,  "Rotisserie chicken fixes everything." Remember that next time you're backed into a corner.

Today, I tested our new-found adage, by using what was left of yesterday's RC, boiled it for several hours, strained and separated the meat. Added cumin, chicken bouillon, pasta shells, corn, celery, carrots, and a can of Italian seasoned diced tomatoes.

And what do you know! I not only had two bowls (my appetite hasn't been great lately) but I fed my whole family, which made me feel more than amazing.

And now for something completely different. The Doctor told me I am morbidly obese and need to lose weight. I feel like he was preachin' to the choir, I wasn't offended, mortified, etc. I've just been waiting for something to kick my butt and get me in gear to lose the 50 pounds I've gained the past few years.

I'll never be a skinny Minny, but I was happy like this. I was getting really toned, I had energy, was hardly ever sick and I was self-confident. Because I know baby steps is the way to go. I've started where I can, with a habit that was developed only in the past few years......Soda. I've grown to like sodas that I used to think were nasty, like Mountain Dew. So today, I gave our last soda to my husband (he requested it) and no longer will I do the Dew.

Do you know what I would make with this high-fructose, artificially flavored, carbonated beverage? I would mix it with black cherry, Thrifty ice cream and make a float.  And the marriage was AH-MAY-ZING, while it lasted but now I'm ready to let go.

Tell the Truth Tuesday-Unrequited Love

Savage Chicken by Doug Savage

I never expected all those school yard crushes on unattainable boys to turn into a lifestyle and years of heartache, loving men who just don't feel the same way. My early memories involve fluttering feelings. You know, the lip biting, breath holding, eye closing excitement, waiting for "Justin" to come around the corner, never making eye contact but still melting my heart. Or the days where I shared poems, inside jokes and observations with my best friend, all devoted to our mutual love "Andrew". Those are just two examples out of the many who paved the road to my unrequited love dependence.

As an adult I found many objects of desire that took advantage of my love and used me to get what they wanted but would tell me stuff like "We are NOT in a relationship!" or "I love you as a friend." How much clearer could it be for me? But I still had hope, I truly believed one of those foolios would wake up and become the prince charming I needed.

Then there the was one man who changed it all, the guy who became my J-Lo (you know, she dates someone, they break up and then they marry someone else, à la Ben Affleck.) Come to think of it, I was his J-Lo too.

I think he changed things for me because I was ready to settle down and damn-it, even though we were all wrong for each other, I really wanted it to be with him. He knew immediately after we started dating that it wasn't going to work, but I imagine our history of a good friendship and lots of mutual friends kept him from breaking up with me. Not to mention, I was a little intense about our relationship. Maybe he was afraid I'd freak out or something. So, he did what he could to keep from facing the situation and pulled back without actually breaking up with me. Declarations, gifts, time couldn't make him love me but I wanted it anyway. Boy was I in denial. Even after I broke up with him, I still wanted him, and he enjoying my attention, let me play this game for another 8 months.

Throughout this ordeal, something in me clicked. I never wanted this to happen again. I decided I would spend a year thinking about what I could do to change things in me, to stop the cycle. I needed a man who was going to go out of his way for me, pursue me and actually have feelings for me. I spent so much time, thinking, journaling, talking about what I want in a man and how I deserve to be treated.

Fast forward a year and I meet my husband through a mutual friend. I was all set to move to Alaska when we started talking, so we assumed nothing would come of it. Somehow, some way, we ended up spending hours on the phone with one another daily, as I walked through the snow, worked, cuddled up in bed. He even sent me the sweetest gifts for Christmas. I've never had a man give me such a Christmas present. He did all of those things I needed and he still does. He gives me attention, flirts with me, doesn't withhold love or use it to manipulate me. The anxiety I felt with all of those men, I don't feel with him and I'm happy without it. I no longer need the romance I created through the unreciprocated chase. Thinking that as in romance novels, the beast will come around and see how beautiful the heroine really is. It doesn't happen that way, if you choose the wrong man.

Yesterday, I was thinking about how I spend a lot of time beating myself into submission over my failures but not enough time celebrating the areas that I've grown. So this is my celebration. (Heeey!) I no longer have the desire to love someone that doesn't love me. (Yeah!) Now I have yet to ween myself from unrequited friendships but maybe that will be my goal this year. To figure out, who's really my friend and who's just a smiling face.

Happy Tuesday everyone.